"Mayor Orange" or "Why is Adam posting random nonsensical stories on his blog that he never updates?"

"Mayor Orange" by Adam C. Stott

On the top of a hill, there lived a small village of sentient food products. The mayor of this village was Orange who had appealed to the voters. He was married to Apple, a stay-at-home wife/computer technician. They had three kids: Grape, Nectarine and Pomegranate.

One day, the fruits were all out on a lovely picnic. They opened up their picnic basket and pulled out some Goldfish. Which, despite looking like fish, were not real food and therefore not sentient. They ate the Goldfish without any hint of irony.

Upon completion of their lunch, they went for a stroll. In the park, they met Hamburger and Egg, who had just given birth to baby Bologna. Egg and Apple watched the baby while Hamburger and Orange took the three kids to the zoo.

At the zoo, Grape dangled too far over the pit that housed the alligators and fell in. Luckily, alligators are carnivorous and left Grape alone until the authorities could rescue her. Her brother, however, got too close to the monkey house and was gobbled up by an orangutan.

Orange was heartbroken and, unable to live with the guilt, jumped into the monkey house to fight the orangutan. However, lacking fists or feet or any other fighting implement, Orange was hastily dispatched by an adventurous gibbon. The end.

(I wrote this story in the middle of the night during a fit of insomnia/general illness. it's.... interesting, so I figured I would post it here as well as Facebook where people will actually see it.)